Me: "I'm Nicole Antoinette from More is Better and I'm a guest blogger."
You: "Hi Nicole Antoinette!"
In case anyone's keeping score, this is my third guest post in the last month, which either means people think I'm pretty flippin awesome, or they're trying to trip me up and see if I'll post about having orgasms at the gym or getting Brazilian waxes (like I do on my own blog). But no, I try (try!) to keep it pretty PG-13 while I'm off gallivanting* through other people's blogs.
So this will (unfortunately?) not be when I talk about my friends giving me a license plate frame that said "The Best Ever," referencing my rumored oral sex skills.
That would just be Way Too Crazy.
Crazy like the time in college when a few of us were drunk enough to seriously debate whether you actually had to have just given birth in order to be able to lactate, or whether it was a mind over matter type of deal. This was followed by the time (45 minutes and a hell of a lot of shots later) that one girl took her boob out and tried to force milk from it by squeezing really hard and talking to it in a baby voice which, she argued “might confuse it into thinking there was a baby to feed.”
So let's see. Oral sex talk, off limits. I could talk about my three tattoos; I could even show off some pictures of them. But that would require taking off my shirt and pulling my pants down a little bit, which would make this less of a PG-13 post and more of a rated R type of deal. So... no go.
I could talk about getting a parking ticket (that's pretty tame, right?) except I've never gotten a parking ticket.**
Or I could talk about hiccuping, because I get the hiccups ALL the time. But who would want to read that?
I could even talk about how I'm so lame that recently, I've started planning my fantasy wedding in my head, like, constantly. How I'm going to be barefoot on the beach in Costa Rica and how my honeymoon is going to involve backpacking around South America. But, there really isn't anything more to discuss than what I just included in that sentence (other than the fact that I think I want a wedding cake made of little cupcakes- seriously), so that topic is tapped out.
So in the end? I think I'm going to pretend I talked about something meaningful while I sit here and eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg that I have laying around from Easter. I will also be dreamily wishing that instead of asking me to guest post, Kayleigh had taken me to Italy with her.
*What the fuck is gallivanting anyway?
**If I get a parking ticket tomorrow, I'm totally going to blame this post and its karma.
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7 comments:
I would have loved to see your friend who tried to force milk out of her breast. Were you at a bar? I can just imagine the people not apart of your table looking at you guys.
I have never guest blogged so I dont know what one should write about. I need to learn the rules and introduction to guest blogging.
OMG, your friend trying to make herself lactate? hilarious. btw, I started "leaking" during my 6 months of pregnancy
also, I am lame so I watch those darn wedding shows and I actually SAW a wedding cake made out of cupcakes. they were cute
mmm peanut butter reeses
This was a pretty funny post :) I'm adding you to my Reader.
i heart you. plain and simple, haha.
chele- Ha, I wish we would have been at a bar, that would have made the story SO much more hilarious. We were in an apartment though, which is definitely more boring. In fact, I think I'm going to alter the story from now on to make it so we were in a bar. Thanks :)
christie- You did not just start talking about leaking. Why did you have to add ANOTHER thing to my "I'm terrified of pregnancy and here's why" list?? However, since you watch wedding shows (heart those), you have redeemed yourself, haha.
jenn- Well thanks darlin, I'll have to check out your blog ASAP!
katelin- Right back freakin at ya.
OMG - she really tried to lactate - I wish I could have seen that. I would have milked that story for all it was worth.
HEH!HEH! I am so funny!
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