I Really Need Your Help

Let me just start off by saying that I am so sorry that I am bringing this subject up AGAIN. Really, I am. It's just that I'm at my wits end and in utter misery, and really need all of your help and advice. Even if you've never posted before, now's your chance- I'd really value your opinion.

I'm going to be really honest here- I'm a dating dunce. Every guy that I've had a serious relationship with has been someone I've known for awhile, and then just eased into that happy/new stage of our relationship. I am literally clueless as how to start from the beginning, and end up happy.

That being said here is the basic breakdown of what is happening to me right now with The Enigma. I'm literally facing a brick wall right now, and either need to turn one way towards him, or walk away.

He is definitely a nice guy-- I think my previous posts have shown that. And I am very serious when I say every date with him has been the best I've ever had. I do believe that he is at least partially into me -- your lovely comments have suggested this as well. However? Something is still wrong. I am extremely perceptive, and when I get that sinking feeling in my stomach, I am usually always right.

Facts:
1) Have been going on dates regularly since March 8th.
2) Talk every day, whether by phone, email, AIM, texts.
3) I've met all of his best friends.
4) I've spoken to his mother and sister extensively over email, although I've never met them. That being said, I haven't spoken to either of them since the beginning of April.
5) He is VERY hands off physically with me. As in, we don't cuddle, make out, etc. We kiss when we say goodbye, and hug as well. But otherwise? We just spend time together.
6) When I spent the night there a few weeks ago and we made out it was the first time we had done so. And I initiated it.
7) He's never told me that I'm pretty, until last weekend. He's also never said anything about what he thinks about me and what is going on between us.
8) I play it very very cool when I'm around/talking to him. There are always a million things running through my head and I never ever say them. Likewise I hold back from things I really want to do, like hold his hand, cuddle, etc.
9) He gives me the impression a lot that he's holding back, too. Is it possible that we're doing this to each other? Waiting for the other person to take a step forward?
10) Friends have told me that him not pouncing on me and respecting me physically must mean that he really likes me and wants to see where it goes. Likewise him talking to me everyday is a good thing.
11) I just feel that his attention has plummeted lately--but then again he is super busy.

But here is where I am going insane.

His lack of physicality and emotional intimacy about our relationship really, really bothers me. I am the kind of person who needs to feel stable, like everything makes sense. When I'm floating in a state of limbo, I start to go crazy with paranoia and random fears.

Maybe it's because I am just insecure, because I definitely am. I know where I stand, but when I don't know where he is I get all kinds of freaked out. I've had my heart stomped on way too many times. This is why I usually prefer being single. That way I can forget that I've ever felt heartache.

The other night I cried myself to sleep thinking about this. I NEVER DO THAT. I thought about all the fun we've had and how I've started to really trust him, and how suddenly I think I might have been wrong to do so.

He did not ask me to hang out this week. He's had finals all week, and he's been kind of sick. I actually manned the hell up and called him Thursday night to ask if he wanted to do something with me on Friday. Shoe encouraged me to do so, and said that sometimes guys like to know that YOU want to spend time with THEM.

Well, he didn't answer. And then I cried myself to sleep, sobbing into my pillow. I took a Melatonin pill, so my sobs gradually ebbed into muffled whimpers as my eyes shut against the tear stained satin.

I can't do this anymore.

He emailed me first thing the next morning and said that he fell asleep. I do believe this, but still. We then emailed all day at work, but I was still left with that pit in my stomach.

Whenever I cry about a guy, the next day I feel like an emotionless entity. I immediately start to rationalize that they aren't worth it, that I should just walk away. This is in defense to feeling hurt. I'm trying to shut it off.

My main fear is that he just doesn't have time for me. However, if he wanted to he'd make time. Plain and simple. Girls can be rather complex, but over the last few days I've been really reminding myself of the simplistic nature of men:

1) If they want to talk to you, they will.
2) If they want to see you, they will.
3) If they are busy and their lives are hectic, they will make time for you if they deem you important enough.

And I understand that everyone has an off week, and if anyone has, it's Enigma. He is currently in a final as we speak, and it's 12:30 p.m. on a Saturday.

However? He told me that he was going to relax and study last night, and MAYBE go interview again on the same radio show that he did last week. That he wasn't sure.

Me being ever so sly tuned in and to my non surprise listened to him talk last night, and then heard that they were all going back to the same bar from last Friday, and Enigma was going to make a brief guest DJ appearance.

Hmmm...good job studying and staying in, E.

Tonight he's DJ'ing somewhere else, and holding a promo contest for a friend's business.

There is no time for me.

I do not know what to do. He blows SO HOT and SO COLD that I am left scratching my head. I'm completely confused by everything. I cannot rationalize this out, I do not know what is going on.

Last weekend it was "Oh I wish I could come over right now; I'm so glad you came; You're so sweet and cute, etc." and now I'm sitting here feeling neglected.

I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel like a man wants to spend time with me, that he wants to know what I'm up to, what I'm feeling.

I feel myself turn sour when I visit his Myspace page and see a comment from K[name redacted] exclaiming, "Hi wedding date! I cannot wait until May 10th!" I then (why? I don't know) click through to her page and see a picture of a knockout 29 year old brunette, who is listed as 'single'. Granted, Enigma told me 3 weeks ago about how she asked him to be her date (I guess that's good, right?) and how her BOYFRIEND couldn't go so she asked him. Boyfriend? Then why does it say she's single? Granted, my profile and his says we are single but......?

Do you see what I mean here? This needs to stop.

At this point, I think I'm not going to talk to him and just wait and see how long it takes him to talk to me. Maybe he'll shoot me some texts today, maybe not. And if not maybe tomorrow, but maybe not.

I've been wanting to clear the air about what's going on between us for awhile. Not just because I feel like I'm holding back, but because I want to make sure we're on the same page because if not, I'm outta here. I DO NOT waste my time with men anymore. I learned that lesson years ago.

So, everyone, what should I do? I am going to wait for his communication- that is non negotiable. However, should I somehow have a mini version of "the talk" and if so, how do I do it/what do I say? I really need to know if he's into me because otherwise I'm going to leave.

I just don't know what to do.

It should be noted that his last girlfriend lived with him, and their breakup was pretty hard. I don't know if that has anything to do with taking it so slow, but it might. On that same note, he doesn't have girlfriends very often, because he's really picky, and never finds anyone he really likes. He's also known among his friends as one of the two who never date people or have girlfriends.

So I don't know. Am I being overly paranoid? Irrational? Am I jumping to conclusions? Should I sit back and enjoy the ride? Will I ruin anything by trying to talk to him?

Help? I'm just so frustrated, sad, and clueless.