I Need Your Prayers

I am rarely deadly serious on this blog. But I've just been issued devastating news and I need to just...know that people out there might be willing to send good thoughts and prayers in my family's direction.

Even now I don't know how to say it without it sounding cold and distant, but I don't know how else to express my emotions right now.

My maternal grandmother battled breast cancer when I was in high school, and beat it. One huge hurdle in the family. We all thought at the time that her illness was our big test of faith, of courage, and of will. Look what happened, too- we beat it!

Then, last Christmas, my 3 year old cousin got bacterial meningitis. He was hospitalized for 3 months, and is now permanently brain damaged. He can't speak, can't walk, can't take care of himself, and it's still a question as to if he is aware of his surroundings/can recognize faces.

When that happened, I thought to myself "This is it. There is no way that this isn't the biggest test of our family's life." My cousin should have died a hundred times over but he always pulled through. His case is so incredible that he is used as a teaching tool for doctors at their Children's Hospital. My mom spent the first 2 months of 2008 away from home, helping their family take care of their house and their other two kids. We are all so thankful that my cousin is still with us, despite the fact that the little boy we used to know is gone forever. We mourn the loss of someone who is still alive.

I thought I had already been dealt with all the bad news I could handle for 2008. I thought that I was about to close out this year while holding my breath, keeping any other bad news at bay. I was wrong.

Tonight my mother called me and informed me that one of her sisters has breast cancer. She isn't even 50. I am horrified, hurt, angry, scared, and at a loss. She's having a test done in a few days to see if it has crept to any other areas of her body. I'm scared for her, I'm scared for my mom's health, and as the only daughter between my mom and her sisters, I am terrified for me. It sounds selfish to hear news about someone else and immediately think of you and your immediate family, but I couldn't help it. I'm just scared, and I want to know when is this all going to stop? When?

Then my mom decides to tell me that my aunt and uncle, the parent's of my cousin that had the illness mentioned above, are getting a divorce. In fact, my uncle moved out of his house two months ago, and is now living with my aunt who is sick. A dysfunctional pair of sadness, humiliation, and fear. My mom's side of the family is like the Brady Bunch. She's the oldest of 6, and we all run like a pack. We're tight. We're old-fashioned and old-school. This sort of thing just....doesn't happen in my family. We are all so close and now we are being wrenched apart.

I don't know what to think of anymore. I went to church last night at an absolutely gorgeous cathedral and couldn't shake this sinking feeling the entire time. I had a feeling that I would be coming there more often. I just knew that something was about to happen. I brushed it off to some other things, not realizing that this was indeed what was coming. How could I know?

So whether you are religious or not, take a second to just have a little chit chat with God on behalf of my family. We really need it.

I promise I will return to regular postings this week. Thanks for listening.