Blasts From My Past: The Ex's Series - (A Prelude)

A lot of bloggers have been discussing past relationships lately. I don't know what it is but I also feel compelled to join the masses and talk about and/or drag you all down the path of my past relationships and, oh, I don't know- make you understand for yourselves just how fascinating some of these characters were.

But first, ladies and gentleman, a brief introduction (since this is the first of such posts). Let me introduce the main characters to you (in sequential order):

-The Misfit
-The Manipulator/Egomaniac (so crazy that he gets two words!)
-The Athlete
-The Dreamer
and last but not least:
-The Manchild

Now mind you I've gone on dates with plenty of other guys, but these are the only five who I engaged in an exclusive relationshipal-type setting for at least 3 months or more. In fact, none of my relationships have really gone much farther than the year and a half mark. It's happened more than once: hit that point, and then suddenly it's like a nuclear blast went off and everything falls apart, and usually is completely destroyed, shreds of a functioning relationship torn to pieces on the floor with no real way to fix it again. I'm starting to wonder if I'm cursed, or...? Only time (aka the next serious relationship) will tell. If it even gets to that point. But I digress.

For your reading pleasure (and to get you hyped up to meet the cast of characters) I will include some random FYI's (if you will) of the lucky 5 men who have had a relationship with moi.

Number of guys (out of the 5) who:

...have more than 1 tattoo: 2
...are a different religion than I: 1
...don't care about religion: 2
...are a different ethnicity than I: 1
...are an only child: 1
...are the oldest of 8 kids: 1
...possess above average intelligence: 3
...possess above average picky tastebuds (read: annoying): 3
...are mega-stoners (read: subscribes to 'High Times' magazine): 1
...have male friends significantly hotter than them: 1
...are liberal: 2
...are conservative: 2
...could care less about politics: 1
...would go postal/and or possibly start a fight if another man so much as looked at me the 'wrong way': 1
...is a total wimp and could easily be beat up by 4th graders: 1
...is extremely aggro when provoked; at times leading to physical altercations: 3.5
...are most likely to be famous one day: 1 [ed note: "The Athlete" will most likely go pro in his respected sport within 3-5 years]
...cheated on me: 1
...had a dad go to jail for coke: 1
...never knew his father: 1
...was almost slapped with a restraining order courtesy of Kayleigh: 1
...has millions upon millions of dollars: 1
...would rather proverbially slit their wrists than go to a night club: 2
...would be on the dance floor of a club shaking their stuff: 3
...DJs in Chicago bars (sometimes) and really sucks at it: 1
...lived next door to Michael Jordan for most of his life: 1
...barely had enough money to get by: 1
...dropped out of college: 1
...liked going to gay bars a little bit too much for a so-called totally straight man: 1
...became a male cheerleader in college (AFTER we stopped dating): 1
...cried in front of me: 3
...has a secret obsession with the boy band N'Sync (hangs head): 1
...has their ears pierced: 2
...has their ears, and either one or two nipples pierced: 2
...has their ears, nipples and tongue pierced: 1
...pops their collar(s) on a regular basis: 1
...got me roses on every single anniversary of ours, with the number of roses corresponding directly to how many months we had been together: 1
...I can outdrink at any given time (hangs head again in shame): 2
...play video games. A lot: 4
...are musically inclined: 0
...would be considered musically inclined if Guitar Hero counted: 1
...were either skateboarders, snowboarders, in-line skaters, or surfers: 5

So ok that was just for starters. And now it seems like I've only dated tattooed and pierced lazy bums who are complete weirdos. But that's only half true.

Next up: The Tale of the Manchild. And trust me, his story is good.