I was practically crippled last weekend. I joined a gym across the street from my new job, and promptly signed up for a personal trainer. Who worked me to death last Friday. In fact, I literally LIMPED for the rest of the weekend. Simple things like going to the bathroom couldn't be attempted without clutching the walls and wincing as I eased myself down. Yeah, it was that bad. In fact, I haven't been in a world of pain like this since high school. Muscles I didn't even know existed hurt. All of this limping and wincing and soreness was coupled by the headache that I woke up with on Sunday that lasted until 11 p.m. but only after I took NINE pills. [Ed. note: not all at once. Don't put me in the psych ward yet].
But this post isn't about any of that. Well, maybe a little.
It seems that besides my quadriceps tightening into a jumbled knot of misery, I managed to scrape a layer of skin off of the back of my heels while getting my ass kicked by my PT. And when you happen to have an extra bone in the back of both of your feet in this exact spot (don't ask) these kind of mishaps lead to days of absolute misery, bloody Band-Aides, and puffy blisters.
Ew.
In these conditions, the only appropriate footwear is gym shoes, or at the very least, flip flops. I bought a new pair of Reebok's yesterday for $25 (I rock) so I stuffed my poor tootsies into those blindingly white bad boys and trotted off to the EL for my morning commute.
I almost always wear skirts to work, so I had a pretty interesting ensemble going on this morning: gym shoes, skirt, and purple high necked blouse. I didn't care though- my feets were feelin' fine.
In my early morning walk to the subway, I opted to walk over a grate that goes directly over the underground tracks. I did this just as a train was flying by. Can you guess what happened next? The entire city of Chicago got a free show. And by free show I mean "everyone walking 10-50 feet behind me saw my bare ass." Bare ass you say? Yeah, bare ass compliments of my skimpy underwear. Because that's how I roll. Crap.
I didn't even DARE look behind me, because shame filled up every crevice of my body. I trembled slightly and bore left down a street that I never take, trying to absolve myself of this folly and shake off any people who might have witnessed my little event.
That all happened before 7:45 a.m.
Sigh.
Just when I had nearly forgotten about the tragic morning event, I found myself dealing with another form of public nudity- locker room awkwardness.
I waltzed into my gym's locker room at 5:45 p.m., racing around the opaque panes of glass at the entrance, gym bag in hand, ready to get my workout on.
The first thing I see as I round the corner is a woman's bare ass. She's standing at the sink casually washing her hands, like she could do this all day. The 10 foot mirror reflects the front of her body, and I sigh to myself and abruptly veer to the right and look to the solace of the empty bank of lockers.
Naked woman had another plan.
Somehow she darted off (image is burned into my memory; trying not to gouge eyes out) and ran directly IN FRONT OF ME (why? why the hell was that necessary?) and then proceeded to DROP HER G-D TOWEL ON THE FLOOR.
I slam on the brakes and come to a skidding halt. Luckily I stopped before I collided with her bare flesh. This part of the hallway is narrow, and she then delicately (and almost like she's bored) bends down (BENDS DOWN) and picks up the wayward item.
Mind you this all happened in a span of mere seconds, and I memorized the crown molding and pattern on the ceiling as this woman took her time waving her goodies in my face and prancing around in the buff.
Figures that I'd get owned twice in one day.
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16 comments:
Oh my LORD! I guess some people are more comfortable with nudity than others! But is that really necessary?
And as for the skirt thing-- same thing happened to me once in Paris. Most. Embarrassing. Thing. Ever.
Ha! So much nudity, all in one day.
I, personally, hate the fact that I go to a practically ALL old people country club. Why, you ask? Because old women have no problem getting naked. And they do so, often. And walk around that way. So what do I see? Lots of sagging. It doesn't give me much hope for the future- especially if these are the women that work out! Ugh, anyway. Hilarious =)
hahaha I <3 it. I've flashed my ass to people once or twice while wearing a skirt in wind. At least you had cute underwear on!
so did you totally pull a Marilyn Monroe stance over the grate or was your skirt too short?
I think that's why I have a fear of gym lockers. I would really rather not have someone's nakedness touching me, uninvited.
You're skirt story reminds me of this day I skipped class and went to pick up my friends that went to a private school and all the girls wore skirts. It was a REALLY windy day and the bell had just run so theres tons of people and chicks in skirts. A huge gust of wind blows upward and all the guys have awesome panty shots.
um, on my new commute there is this insane wind tunnel and the people in that building have seen my ass numerous times. I HAVE ONLY LIVED THERE 2 WEEKS!! haha
Lots of naked for one day hahah. Poor you!
That's a little too much naked for me. I'm always amazed at how comfortable women are at my gym. I change in one of the stalls while others just putz around sans bra or pants. I can't do it.
I think old people love walking around in the buff just to freak out the young kids. They must get a kick out of it. Hence why she pranced around in front of you.
Here is my horrible nude gym story from a week ago: I'm in the mens locker room jacuzzi having a nice convo with this older gentleman. After ten minutes, he excuses himself and walks out...completely naked. My jar dropped as I sat their in my bathing suit.
Who knows, may 40 years from now we will be the old farts making the youngin's cringe. lol
haha kayleigh i heart you. this post was hilarious. hopefully you can laugh about being owned twice in one day now, because man is that funny.
I remember the first time I met with a personal trainer, for an "orientation session" at a new gym. I couldn't walk for days. Veto.
Oh my goodness. you had a stressful day. seriously... i have written about this... i HATE those people at the gym! just because you're comfortable with you being naked doesn't mean we all are!!!
I would be mortified about the skirt thing. Yikes. I, too, hate lockerroom nudity. If you have to be naked, do it quickly and put some damn clothes on people!
OMG that's hilarious (but wasn't probably at the time). I've never had that happen to that extent but wow. That stinks. It's summertime though. You have the ODDEST run-ins with nudity. I would say that gym thing is the most unusual thing you'll see in there but it's gets worse. Trust me.
ahhhhh - hahaha i couldn't stop cringing *and* laughing reading about your mishaps.
and hi. been there. so, so been there. nice to know i'm not the only one these kinds of things happen to.
Dude. Public nudity and I are quite close. I mean, I don't want to be that girl, it just happens- so I relate. You poor thing!
NOTHING can prepare a person for locker-room nudity! By the way movies describe it, you'd think nudity in the gym locker room was a common occurence. But no. It's not. Most American's are pretty uncomfortable with showing their sweaty naked bodies off around others. So when I was at the gym at school a couple months ago, I almost died when I saw a naked girl run to the shower. YIKES!
Sorry to hear your workout was so tough! Hopefully they're get easier, and your heels will callus up so that you won't get blisters anymore. Ouch!
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