I Know It's the 'Windy City' but COME ON

Before any of you put me on blast for seemingly not knowing why Chicago is referred to as the Windy City halt right now, because I am very aware of the real meaning. It's just that I've been dealt a cruel hand as of late when it comes to tornadic weather.

Last Friday Chicago was under attack. The City of Wind somewhat lived up to its name. Up north at my place of employment, the wind howled fiercely all day; the flagpole outside my office window bent in the gusts, the flag whipped wildly in the wind. I looked down at my cotton skirt ensemble and though nothing of it- it really couldn't be THAT BAD.

My thoughts spiraled considerably when the clock struck 5, and it was time for me to rejoin the world outside of my cozy office walls. One of my co-workers looked at me skeptically and muttered, "Good luck out there" while skeptically giving me the knowing up-down.

As I stood on the safe side of the glass paned doors, I realized I was about to enter a war-zone.

Pieces of paper and debris sailed completely sideways in front of me. Women, children, and hell, even the men were feebly attempting to move in any direction. Two kids fell off their bikes. Tee shirts billowed out from their owners bodies, inflated like miniature hot air balloons. Trees bent nearly completely horizontal. The sky was black.

I took a deep breath, smoothed my skirt, and decided to make a break for it. I only had to get 1.5 blocks until I would reach the solace of the train station.

I stepped out into madness.

Immediately the wind propelled me a few steps backward. My hair flew wildly above my head like Medusa's prized snakes, tendrils standing on end as if electrified. My skirt? Modesty? Forget about it. My dignity was beyond saving at that point when I realized that the wind was stretching out my new Banana Republic coral tee shirt and exposing my underwear. I waited for the light to change and realized that the cars idling next to me were violently shaking in the wind. Kids were screaming, leaves and trash spun in a maelstrom of hysteria.

This. was. it. I wasn't going to make it.

The light turned green and I awkwardly limped in a hunched stance across the street. Time slowed. A particularly horrible gust blew up, and in my desperation and misery akin to that of a person walking through a desert I finally saw an oasis. A clothing store.

I fell literally face first into the open door of North Face. My hair literally stood on end as if it were made of straw. I had to spend a good 10 seconds rearranging my clothes and my dignity. As people continued to yell outside and crap flew through the air, a perfectly coiffed 20 year old female calmly quipped, "May I help you?" as if this scenario and chaos going on happens on a daily basis. It made me want to scream.

"I need pants. Capris, workout shorts, anything. I just can't deal with the madness going on outside." I felt that I didn't have to explain myself further.

This brunette wonder stared at me quizzically, as if what I just uttered was borderline weird. Then she handed me a pair of $100 pants. I don't think so.

Since nothing in that store is under $50 except maybe plastic key chains, I resigned myself to financial loss. Grumbling to myself, I fled the safety of North Face in my new black capri pants and battled my way to the train. Every time the door opened on the way home, a burst of unwanted air would storm in the train car and ruffle everyone and send ladies' skirts flying skyward. Every now and then someone would let out a low moan, or muffled shriek.

When I trudged up from the underground subway, I was once again greeted with madness. People were running in every direction. Cars were honking and swerving out of lanes. I felt like it was the end of civilization. I then opted for what I usually do in remotely interesting/distressing/normal/weird situations- I called my mom.

I could barely hear her voice as the wind howled into the receiver. However I did notice when a bug flew into my mouth close to 30 MPH, which might as well be Mach 1 when a bug flies down your throat and chokes you.

"Honey? What did you say? What's going on out there??"

(insert gagging, choking warbled noises)

".....Kayleigh? Hello? What is going on?"

I took a deep breath and tried not to think of how I got owned by Mother Nature twice in one day.

So not my life.

Little did I know I would be greeted by tornado sirens the very next day as I sat at my cousin's house and BBQ'd. When the alarms went off, I glanced around and inquired if anyone wanted to perhaps take shelter in the basement. Everyone looked at me nonchalantly and shrugged it off. Granted, the sky wasn't totally green and the wind hadn't stopped- you know that eerie feeling when there is dead silence outside and you don't even hear the birds chirping? That's how you know it's coming.

However? I guess we were lucky since tornadoes touched down and destroyed a ton of area no more than 10 miles away from where we were. When I drove home that night, emergency vehicles were righting an overturned semi on the Dan Ryan highway. I'm talking BAD.

Since then, Chicagoland has faced a bout of tornado warnings, flood watches, and severe storms. Let me tell all of you- I'm over it. 100% over it. In fact, I am so distressed by the un-summerlike nature of the weather and STRESS over possible tornadoes that I just went online and bought a $415 designer purse that was originally $650. See what you're doing to me, Weather?? YOU'RE MAKING ME LOSE MY MONEY.

Anyways, my current place of employment is opting to defy Mother Nature by having a two hour BBQ for lunch today, complete with a full Dance Dance Revolution set up. Yes, you heard right, DDR. What do you expect? We are all internet dorks.

Wet cheeseburgers, here I come.