As I came out of the subway and began my 10 block walk home, my mind clouded with thoughts on the wedding I'm attending tomorrow, my urgent need for Diet Coke, Prada heels, and how much Grad school is going to cost. I didn't know that I would soon stumble across a scene that would sear itself into my memory banks.
In fact, even though I am currently safe in my apartment, I can still see the disturbing scene burning behind my eyelids.
One of my guy friends from college coined a phrase for me that embodies my usual everyday life: "Kayleigh- creepiness just seems to follow you everywhere, doesn't it?"
Yes, Adam, it does.
As I rounded a corner and started strolling up a major Chicago street at peak rush hour tonight, I noticed I was quickly approaching a hovering pack of men who were lollygagging on the upcoming sidewalk. This in itself is a typical Chicago scene.
These individuals were sitting on a park bench, giggling, loving life. My eyes drifted over them as I approached, thinking nothing of it. Only when I was within 10 feet of this middle aged group of loiterers did I realize that wait a minute- that tiny dude has his fly open and WTF, he's exposing himself to people walking by.
Mind you, this realization is overtaking me just as I'm about parallel to this cackling group, who think that this display by one of their delinquent brethren is hysterical.
I shuffled by the madmen, who were celebrating this Exhibitionist's Friday night choice with loud laughter and taunting catcalls for all walking by. Yes- at 6:15 p.m. I saw some random, scary dude's junk. I want to cry just typing it.
It was total harassment. I don't even have to say how horrified and upset I was by it- I'm sure y'all get the picture.
The kicker?
Not even two blocks away from this scene sat a Chicago police car, with two cops inside. They were parked at the side of an intersection, and when I walked by their car I could see that they were both playing SCRATCH OFF LOTTERY tickets. Both of them. As a man two blocks away flashed his junk to the world, these two idiots sat with their quarters and scratched off lotto tickets while sucking down on Slurpees. Isn't it great when stereotypes come to life?
To make matters worse, I was then almost run over by no less than ten 14 year old kids on skateboards who decided that riding on sidewalks is a good idea.
It's not even 7 p.m. yet.
Sigh.
I'll be back with scandalous wedding tales come Sunday, but just to tide you over until then, I've decided to post one picture of the Derek Zoolander-like A&F model that I went to a high school dance with. Did I mention that he was a [straight] male cheerleader in college? Yeah...here's a picture of him in his cheerleading uniform. Please ignore my horrible Paint job, and the fact that I airbrushed his eyes out and he now looks like Cyclops from X-Men.
Have a great weekend, kids! More tales of scandal and ridiculousness when I return.
15 comments:
Um, that guy is HOT! And it's okay, I dated a male, straight collegiate cheerleader too. Oh and? EW EW EW EW EW EW about those creeptastic guys. EW.
UGH! What creeps! The universe has been full of them lately in my part of the world too - good luck! I vote bear mace.
Have fun at the wedding, and I enjoy the eyes scratched out job you did there - he's like a male version of the girl from Heros... kinda...
Oh my god, that's so horrible! I'm so sorry! A few days ago, my (male) roommate was hugged and kissed on the neck by a drunk dude who was covered in blood. At like four in the afternoon while he was walking home from the grocery store. TOTAL creepfest.
And are you SURE that guy isn't gay? Because... srsly.
definitely dated a male cheerleader from acui summer camp. gay? not then. now? maybe.
and so creepy on the dudes on the street. ugh.
hope you have a good weekend!
dude, I would've totally told the cops
Fabulous arms!!! :)
And also creepiness seems to follow me too!
I'm glad this stuff happens to you and not me :P
Straight male cheerleader/male model/compared to zoolander. All of those things just don't go together.
whammmmmy.
all i can think about it the episode of The Office with the flasher.
boys are so stupid.
Nice arms...Yeah!
So creepy - the other day at Ikea I saw a shirtless man vogueing in the parking lot - it was actually pretty funny.
That is disgusting and yet ironic with the cops playing the IL lotto. I honestly don't know how public nudity finds you on the street or in transit but it does. You are insane, but I still adore you.
You should have told the dude with exposed junk that he needed to put it away and let it grow up before it could play with adults. Told him it was too little for the big rides. And then told the police, while also getting their badge numbers.
Don't you love 20/20 hindsight?
And your dude friend doesn't do anything for me, totally staright and happily married!
Have a great work week!
lol to Chris and Kyla.....but wait, is it even possible for male cheerleaders to be straight? Gotta love stereotypes. And Kyla- LOL....and I did have fun at the wedding...TOO MUCH FUN.
@ Your Ill-fitting Overcoat- Oh.MY. GOD. When I read your post, I was hammered, and I literally stopped playing a game of cards, turned off the music, and read your comment to a roomful of my friends. I was so horrified!!! WOW, that is so disturbing. And it sounds like something that would definitel happen to me.
Emrlds- thanks!! And yeah, what's up with freaky guys?
Deutlich- I know. I'm hanging my head in shame.
Paula- I know, I KNOW. But trust me, he's a strange one.
Jenn- Someone's gotta do it...I'm just trying to protect everyone else from similar acts of stupidness.
PJ- I KNOW. How those terms all go together is beyond me.
Maxie- Whammy: you just hit a HOME RUN in my heart. For reals.
Tashai- LOL. At least he's got that going for him :)
Transient Travels- LOL LOL. I would have cracked up laughing. Loves it.
Bayjb: Hey girl hey- I know. Ridic. Don't know how these things happen. You and I should be sidekicks or something.
Craig@Work: You crack me up. Like, a lot. After I posted my last comment, I saw yours. And wow, hilarious. I really needed your 20/20 hindsight there. Crap?
And as for the dude not doing anything for you- I'm in agreement. He does absolutely nothing for me, either. To be honest? I don't even find him remotely attractive. That's why I'm posting his picture. I'm kind of laughing at him. I also just read what I just typed and am appalled at how mean and petty I sound.
Sigh.
Hope you have a great time at work too! I am currently exhausted and still slightly hungover.
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